The Return of Covid. Explore Wikis Community Central. Register Don't have an account? View source. History Talk 0. Watch Episode. Universal Conquest Wiki. Trapper Keeper. Bus Stop. Stan and Kenny wait patiently. Kyle and Ike walk up. Ike is dressed in a little business suit and his hair is combed. Dude, what's your little brother doing here? Ike is starting his first day of kindergarten.
But isn't he only three years old? Yeah, but he's some kind of genius, so he's getting advanced placement in kindergarten. I pooped my pants. Kyle reacts] Yeah, well, [opens his up] it's got ten different compartments for every subject in school, an electronic pencil sharpener, four plastic bags with electronic zippers, copy machine, fax, a better picture of Dawson's Creek on the back than Kyle's, [opens it up again] flat-screen TV, and of course, OnStar.
Goddammit, Cartman! You only got that because you knew my mom would buy it for me! Well, at least your stupid brother got a briefcase. He's going to kindergarten because he's a genius!
He's not a genius; he's a little douchebag. I pooped my pants! He's smarter than you, fat boy! I don't even know how you made it into fourth grade! I thought Trapper Keeper, I need to drown out my annoying friend. Please initiate music, country, high volume. Nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman! School bus. The boys take their seats. Cartman and Kenny sit behind Kyle, Stan, and Ike. Stan, Kyle and Kenny notice a disheveled man on the other side of the bus. Crabtree, there's another creepy homeless guy on the bus.
Sit down and shut up!! But they smell like pee. I am a new fourth-grade student. My name is Bill. Bill Cosby. Aren't you a little old to be in grade school?
I was held back ten human grades. Do you companion-friends know Eric Cartman? Yeah, that's me. Eric Cartman? Yeahhh, you already know about it? Yes, I do. I'm gonna shove that thing up your ass! Dude, do you really care if Cartman has something that's better than yours? No, I don't! I don't care! South Park Elementary, kindergarten room. The room appears festive, the wall adorned with a beaming sun with rays coming from it, rolling hills with trees here and there. The kids enter and take their places at the round table.
Two miffed boys stand by the door as Ike enters the room. Boy 1. Hey, there he is. That's the kid that's s'posed to be some kind of genius.
Boy 2. Yeah, he's only three and he's already in kindergarten. Come on. Do you think you know more about the world just because you are only 3 and we're 5?
Garrison, and I'm the new kindergarten teacher. I used to be the third grade teacher, but I had a little [wags the index and ring finger of each hand] "nervous breakdown" and went into the mountains where I lived off of "rat carcasses". I mean, just because a teacher was teaching third grade and now is teaching kindergarten, that's not a demotion, is it?
Well, let's start with roll call. Uh, let's see. Filmore Anderson? Ike Broflovski? Cookie Monster. Broflovski, I had your older brother Kyle in my third-grade class.
He's a very smart kid. I'm sure you are, too. South Park Elementary, fourth grade room. The class is present, along with "Bill Cosby" Cartman elaborates on the wonderful attributes of his Trapper Keeper. And so the other thing that makes my Trapper Keeper cooler than Kyle's is that it can add any peripheral device to itself automatically.
Trapper Keeper? Hybrid with Wellington Bear calculator. Ready for hybrid. Cartman closes the Trapper Keeper]. And now it can use Wellington Bear calculator, too. Uh, n-no, I'm afraid not, Bill Cosby, because it is coded to the prints on my fingers. Oh, you are so full of crap, Cartman! Metal spikes will not come out! Oh really?
If it doesn't have metal spikes, then hold it. Garrison is telling his life story to the kids. And that's how the relationship with my father sort of ended. There's still some sort of skeletons in the closet, but things between us are a little better. I nominate Filmore, because he's the smartest kid in the class. Okay, Filmore. And who else? I gotta go doodie. In a minute, Jenny. Who else wants to nominate a class president?
You can't have an election with just one person running! What's the fun in that? How about you? You're a genius. Okay, our second nominee is Ike the genius. Filmore and friend stare at a chagrined Ike] Okay, children, now we'll hear briefly from each nominee. Filmore, why don't you go first? And on Fridays, I'll add two minutes to nap time. Thank you. Very enthralling. Okay, Ike? Well, this is gonna be a tough one, kids. South Park Elementary, playground. The four boys stand around the tetherball pole while two kids in front of them toss a football, two girls walk by behind them, another kid climbs the jungle gym, and another rocks on a hobby elephant.
Oh, no, dude, here comes that weird new kid. Ahhh, hello Eric. Can I be your human friend? I don't know, dude. I'm not supposed to have any male friends that are over I kind of screwed on that once. We can have fun and play games, like human four square-- [coughs up] I mean, four square.
Dude, you can't just ask to be somebody's friend and be their friend; it doesn't work that way. If you want to be my friend, you'll have to pay me.
Oh, I see. Alright, I'll pay geliga stones-- Uh, I mean, human dollars! Eugh, I mean dollars! Okay, that's cool. Pretty sweet, you guys, getting a hundred bucks to play tetherball with some-- [by this time, "Bill" has pulled away from the pole and Cartman, and has the tether taut and ready to release].
The Trapper Keeper falls away and lands next to Kenny. He's running off with your Trapper Keeper! You son of a bitch! I thought fourth grade was gonna be different. South Park Elementary, Kindergarten.
Garrison tallies up the votes so far on the board So that's six votes for Filmore and six votes for Ike. Flora, I can't tell who you voted for. Who d'you pick? I don't know Flora, you have to pick one.
Filmore or Ike? Um, I vote for I don't know. Oh, great! Flora's undecided! Well, you're just gonna have to sit there, Flora, and think about it until you come up with an answer. Flora, just say you vote for Filmore so we can all go home. You want Ike to be president. We're gonna be here all night! Why don't you guys just concede? Two kids. Why don't you just concede? Other kids. Some Kids. Other Kids. I want Ike to be president!
Oh, for Christ's sakes, you're all acting like a bunch o' kids! South Park, day. A police car zooms down the street. Officer Barbrady flies down the road in the police cruiser with Cartman in the passenger seat and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny in the back seat. Cartman has the Trapper Tracker Keeper in his hand and is following the Trapper Keeper's signal on the Tracker's screen. Turn left here! We're getting close! Get your gun ready! Eric, I'm not gonna shoot anybody for taking your school folder.
And if-- [spots "Bill"] There he is! Got ya! Barbrady and the others exit the car and gather at Bill. His left arm has been amputated, revealing functioning wires. The lower half holding the Trapper Keeper in hand. Barbrady and the boys stare in shock].
Ahh, try to take my Trapper Keeper, will you? You do not understand. Another job well done. Listen to me! I am not really Bill Cosby. I am a cyborg engineered by humans from the year Well, I knew you weren't Bill Cosby! I have come to destroy that Trapper Keeper, because it was the Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper that belongs to an Eric Cartman in South Park which three years from now manifests itself into an omnipotent super being, and destroys all of humanity.
In the year , a hybrid-assimilating computer linked with a satellite uplink computer. From there it was able to slowly take over every computer in the world. The process continues engulfing all of the US] It became stronger and stronger, until by the year it broke away from mankind [skulls litter the landscape] and there was nothing the humans could do. But nothing worked. Wow, that's amazing. Man, I guess sometimes we let our technology and stuff grow too fast.
What do you think, Officer Barbrady? Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. And so, Eric. Now you see why we must destroy your Trapper Keeper. Did I mention that it has a pencil sharpener and a crayon sharpener? Cartman, it takes over the world and destroy all of humanity!
What would you guys have me do, huh?! Walk around with just a plain old Trapper Keeper like Kyle's?! Is that what you want?! Aw, damnit! Take it! You want my heart as well?! You'll find it on the bottom of your shoes! South Park Elementary, kindergarten. The class is looking at Flora.
Garrison sits on a chair looking bored. Ike is the new class president. We want a recount. Filmore's Supporters. Oh, of all the juvenile things I've ever heard! You lost, Filmore! Don't be such a baby! Okay, we had one vote for Filmore A time lapse shows him writing on a crowded board now] And this time, I again get six votes for Filmore and seven votes for Ike.
Count them again. No, children! I've recounted times now and I keep coming up with seven to six! Except in the one instance where it came out seven to five, and one where it came out twelve to fourteen. It's over! Ike is class president!
Kid 2. Wait, there's still that absent kid. If Carlos is absent, we have to wait for his vote. Oh, will you grow up?! Absent kids count! Alright, we'll wait for tomorrow so the absent kid can cast his vote. Now go home! South Park Elementary, hallway, next day. Good morning, humans.
Hey, Bill Cosby. I have successfully destroyed Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper. I broke it apart, dipped the motherboards in acid, burned the memory chips, and sent the wiring to the four corners of Canada.
That should do it. So what are you going to do with your crappy robot life now, Bill Cosby? Well, that is a problem that is causing me some disconcernment. The Trapper Keeper monster sets off to Cheyenne Mountain to a secret military base to try and absorb its computer to become unstoppable. After hearing farts coming from an exhaust tube, Stan is glad to know that Cartman still has some free will.
Kyle carefully makes his way into the beast through a ventilation pipe. However, before he can disable it the creature incapacitates him. Rosie O'Donnell appears shouts at the creature for blocking the road, which leads to much confusion over which one is the amorphous blob.
The creature absorbs her but is made weaker because of it. BSM becomes nonexistent as he is not needed to be built in the now safer future.
Stan tells Cartman to thank Kyle, who just saved his life. The credits roll before he can do so, cutting him off. As for the kindergartners, after countless lawyers, legal forms and endless meetings, Filmore concedes after becoming bored of the idea. With Ike as president, the kids decide to go fingerpaint.
Garrison is relieved at the return of normality. South Park Archives Explore. The Return of Covid. Explore Wikis Community Central. Register Don't have an account? Garrison Episodes directed by Trey Parker Episodes about politics. Trapper Keeper. View source. History Talk 9. Watch Episode.
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